Gaslighting: Is a form of witchcraft - form of manipulation when one tries to control and deceive another. They dismiss your experiences, disregard your feelings., denies your reality. Trust your gut.
Gaslighting is intended to undermine your credibility, your professionalism, and your reputation. A toxic person will use to confuse you and trou you off your game. Will try to make you question yourself. Trou you in doubting yourself, spending time worrying about unnecessary details - destructing you from the bigger stuff. That's when they've got you. It's a destruction technique, intended to keep you out of their way.
Their playground is the past - what happened. Don't give in - we have interest about the future. Don't expect them to hear you. They are not trying to hear you - they are trying to control you. They only hear what they can capitalize to control you.
They will use your feelings to control you / and they will censor what feelings and responses you shouldn't have:
They use; Fear, Obligation, or Guilt to trigger you (determine which one they use)
Next, determine what the manipulator is seeking. What they are trying to gain? Control, Approval, Validation, or Attention?
They will say, "you have no right to say that... you have no right to feel that." "Why are you always so..." "you are overly..." "you are overreacting." "People are saying about your..." We see, how they were controlling Shinchul - on what he should say, with what feelings he should express, why is he overreacting, shouting, or using sharp expressions. All to establish control over him.
But if you confront them, they say, "No, I never said that" (Denying things you know are true). And they get validation by falsely imposing feelings and reactions supposedly made by others. "Be careful... don't say that... don't express this way... others feel hurt and offended." Then make declaration against you, "How unacceptable this hurt so many, we apologize he hurt you." Placing feelings in others. They control the whole picture. Control how everyone should see and feel the situation.
You know they are manipulating you, because you feel the need to record the conversations for your protection - to prove what happened. So it is time to get out of such relationship. Build your team of people you can talk to consistently to get your reality validated. You will need a support group to get you through this.
They try to make you feel bad about yourself, wrong in your decision making, wrong in your memory. Make you question the truthfulness of things, as a way to manipulate you to form control.
They are taking power from the emotional reactions of others. Taking pleasure in their ability to influence feelings, as a means to control actions. It gives them a feeling of power.
Start telling you that others don't like you, or something that you did... From the position that they are the ones who can tell you, who likes you, who really cares about you, when really what they are doing is insolating you.
Gaslighting is about inverting your reality; making you question yourself. You know you are right, but they are forming a lie - painting a picture of what they want you to see, verses what the truth actually reveals.
"They can construct the history of it, in a way that puts them in the best spot, but you in the most disadvantage."
Yet, they bring you back and are re-writing history, but with little lies - and they want to reconstruct the history totally on their own. Whereas, we have the facts. We have the records - of what really happened. What they do is lying. Digging a hole and asking you to fall in it, or even fill it yourself. Not seeing that it's all about control.
And you have to constantly defend yourself, chasing the accuracy and the inaccuracy of the events and their interpretation. While they are playing with you like if they are constantly moving the light and you are a cat chasing it. They are just trying to make you go certain directions - everywhere but the truth.
To avoid gaslighting, you just need to stand firm. Let them foll in their own hole / don't fill in it. They will present the facts most favorable to them. But don't go with them.
Manipulators are really focused on specific end result and it doesn't matter how they get there, they don't care about the ethics, they really have that end goal in mind.
Ask them, "what other options do we have."
They will tell you in what emotional state you are in. They will tell you how you feel, to manipulate you in that state. Tell you something, that you stand in a defensive position, and you have to explain yourself, bring facts, arguments. That means they already got you in the trap - bringing you in confuse, reactive state.
Say, I see things differently - I remember that differently. You don't need to explain that. They are not going to ask you.
The manipulator is attempting to use social prove in order to make you think that there is something horribly wrong about you - something about you that they will exaggerate in a bad light, even if it is not bad, could be even your strongest point. But when they say, "everybody says this about you," you get into defensive mood. Now you trust the manipulator, and he is helping you because the others think this way about you.
Ask, "how do you know that" - "why do you say that." Now they have to back that up. It should become clear how ridiculous their lie is. Consult a third party. Bring him as a witness.
First step - recognize this is gaslighting / Understand you cannot change the other person
Identify your own triggers - what triggers you / focus on yourself - chaging your reactions to that
Know the truth / and focus on people who make you feel happiness / with whome your brain feels better and thinks better
Speak the truth / take responsibility / You can change yourself, but cannot change them













